Gbagam gbagam gbagam!!!! The church bell rang out loud!
“Oooooommm not again Bloo….” remembering what the day was, with speed I sprang out of the bed. Was about calling the bell ‘Bloody hell, oloshi, oloriburuku, anumanu’ like I do every morning it annoyingly wakes me up from a wonderful sleep.
Since the past 5 years we made the worst mistake of moving in beside a catholic church where the gigantic scary bell rings almost every hour . And I was very unfortunate to get the room closer to the church. God forgive me o, but the bell can annoy!
Anyways it escaped my bad mouthing today cos it was my D-Day. I had always prayed to marry a star. Come see me na, getting married to Zeal in Styl Plus. ‘My fine bobo’!!
The way he proposed to me took me by surprise! Although we met at the wrong place, but that one na story for the gods cos the bottom line is, he finally proposed just like I always envisioned.
That fateful evening, we went to watch AY’s show At Eko hotel and suites and headed straight to eat after the show ended.
See me nau, correct aje Pakis, in Eko hotels of all hotels, five star hotel o before I forget to add, having dinner abi is it luncheon dey usually have by 10 pm, with a star who happens to be my bobo.
My Bobo can turn heads sha! Thank God I took Lola’s advice to put on tube micro mini gown. That girl can sabi fashion no be small, but she never told me I had to be pulling the gown down every one minute. To the extent zeal had to ask me if I was cold. Trust me, aje Pakis no dey carry last. I said yes sharp sharp and even acted cold join, and my ladies man, offered his jacket and I shyly accepted. #shyly kor# that one na packaging.
Anyways, just like in the movies, he requested for red label, see me see red label nau, I have never tasted smirnoff , not even Gordon spark nor origin, not to talk of red label. I just know their names.
Well I didn’t want to fall my hand so when he asked me if I take red label, I sweetly smiled and strongly replied, “Of course’ who doesn’t take red label”. But heaven and I know say, that na the first time I dey see the bottle and I never taste alcohol for my life before, I come even get light brain join. If not fanta or sprite or even malt and viju, Forget it.
From d corners of my eyes I kept checking to make sure I don’t see anyone that knows my mum or knows someone that knows someone that knows my mum. Cos trust me, news travels faster than you think, Walls gan, have ears. And that my mama can like church eh!
“Doris, Doris, excuse me for a minute Doris” someone called out from behind me. “Yeh Mogbe, they’ve finally caught me today o!.. Who is calling Doris again? Ah! my mama will disown me ” I lamented inside my mind.
Moral Lesson: “Don’t do outside your home things you can’t do inside. For example, wearing micro mini your mum forbade and taking alcohol”.
As I innocently turned back to face the consequences, I saw the guy that called out my name talking to a waitress. And after the whole discussion, he said, ‘thank you Doris’ and gave her a tip.
Ah! I just started smiling like one mumu, have you seen where someone is dancing shoki inside the person’s mind, I did that times 2. Please remind me to thank that waitress later for bearing my name, I fit even give am tips join. STORY!! See me giving tips nau! To leave my 10 naira change for those aboki conductors na war! Not to talk of dashing person money for bearing my name!
Anyways, I never knew my Bobo, Zeal, I like calling his name Zeal even after I have added bobo, because I use it in reminding myself that he is actually Mine!!!
Anyways, he caught me smiling and told me to share.
Na wa o! Some people can like amebo sha, What do I know I want to share now? Hmmm!
I didn’t want to fall my hand nau, so I just softly said, “the thought of you baby, makes me smile”.
Oh Boy! If you see how he forwarded himself and kissed me quickly eh, I was over surprised! Lol! Stars can love sha!!
Two busy body girls just came from nowhere and started distracting my bobo! But those girls fine sha! I started comparing their dresses with
mine, trust girls nau, certified FBI Mehn! But stars can be tempted o! How do dey manage? Well! Its none of my business, FOR NOW!!
As these girls just ignored my presence and started asking my bobo stupid questions, I started boiling inside, you know how electric kettle dey take boil when it has reached its highest peak? Gbam! That same way!
My bobo just noticed my mood and told them gently, “am sorry, you can ask me that some other time, am having a nice time with the love of my life”.
Yeh!! Mogbe! Ela oju Kan! They call this one polite insult! See me melting! I melted eh, I started tripping for him again. “Baby, you shouldn’t have discharged them like that, don’t you think? They are your fans you know”, I said sweetly!
If I hear you shouldn’t have! Their father there, I for pour them hot water join the discharging sef! Anyways that raking na for inside my mind o, i gat to represent well here.
“Sweerie, you are so nice, some other girls would have gotten upset, and I’ll have to plead and plead” he replied.
Before nkor! I retorted in my mind, They shouldn’t have been given one second audience in the first place! They were lucky it wasn’t in my area they pulled this stunts, I would have shown them surulere life!
“I’m not some other girls sweerie” I remarked blushing.
He then held my palms, kissed them lightly and said the magical words….. “I love u Dory”
Why do I have a feeling some people might have been expecting the magical words to be ‘will you marry me’?
Anyways, as he said those words! My virginity that I have been saving for years left me and ran! As if that wasn’t enough, he came out, called everyone’s attention and knelt in front of me, held my two palms again, looked me straight in the eyes and asked me,
“my love, will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your wonderful life with me”?
I smiled eh till my mouth nearly tore!
In fact the mouth started paining me, that I couldn’t find my voice again.
I just Nodded vigorously like dey fast forwarded me.
Ah! What I always dreamt about! Everybody started clapping eh! See me feeling like a star.
The love of my life now stood me up, held my waist and guided me to
the dance floor.
As if on cue, soft music started playing, the one you use salsa for abi is it waltz? All join, just know it’s the one that doesn’t involve my almighty shoki, or etighi neither azonto nor galala, not even alingo! Abeg where I know say I go start from?
I started regretting why I refused to follow Amaka to all those dance classes she attends.
I was just moving like robocop. Shame nearly finish me for there! I nearly screamed thank God immediately the music came to an end.
Gosh! Am so going to learn all kinds of dance o, so this kind shame no
go catch me again.
See me nau! On top 8 inches doing slow dance, I wan die?
Anyways as I was still saying thank God in my mind, the bizzy body DJ now started playing another track! Abeg who send am message, no be me dem propose to? Haba! Some people can misbehave sha!
Seems my bobo understood my pain, cos he held me closely, and whispered softly into my ears, “baby just hold on to me ok?’
You see why True Love is good, i just gave him my best smile and wrapped my arms around his neck.
Can never forget that moment…
Oya fast forward back to the present, you guys love story o!!
So I quickly rushed into the bathroom, I took my time and showered wella, shaved d whole shaveables sef!
After I was done, my mum, my chief bridesmaid and others came in to dress me up!
I gats look good nau! Its my day.
Fast forward 2 hrs after d whole dressings and make ups! Dressing took like 30 minutes o, make-up ate the remaining 1hr 30minutes. Kai! Women and make-up eh!, very powerful combination.! Well, am not complaining because it was worth it, see me looking like a goddess, fine girl! I will so turn heads!
As I stepped out, one clean limo was waiting to take me to the church. Ah! Just like I always imagined! See me, see limo, Doris is this you?
I just jejely blew the limo a kiss first and took my time entering the vehicle! My over Sabi younger sister couldn’t stop laughing. That girl eh, anyways what does she know, her time is coming!
As we got to the church, red carpet all the way to the altar awaited us with flowers decorated on it!
“Doris Onyi Unamba, you are one lucky girl!!” I said to myself.
My head kudnt stop swelling! See me on red carpet! Doesn’t matter where, red carpet na red carpet.
Exactly how I imagined my dream wedding to be like.
Was so happy eh! I had to adopt a new style of cat walking! Oh Boy!, I must enjoy the moment to d fullest o!
As I stepped inside, oh my Gosh! See stars for my wedding! I no even notice others!
I just automatically decreased my pace o! Was just counting d stars codedly so as to know d exact figure I go use brag among my peers especially that olori nla Ada that married a football star! That girl no dey let person hear word! My wedding this, my wedding that!
Anyways, I had to count them wella, As a lasgidi babe, I got utilise every opportunity to shine! You know nau!
On a good day, I for don beg dem for selfies wth me sef! But I just had to maintain cos it was my wedding and I gat represent my bobo wella. Afterall, after service na photo shoot abi na photo shot, anyone, just know it involves snapping. I must utilize that opportunity wella!
After counting, I just stylishly faced front, ah! See my handsome bobo! As I got to him, he gave me his best smile and held my hand!
Walahi! Love is sweet!
Fast forward 6 hrs after the whole celebrations, photo shots, reception. Just know that I made sure I snapped with all the stars, ALL OF THEM!!!
I made sure I snapped personal with everyone of dem without anyone joining body especially that my over Sabi sister! That girl eh! Her face showed in almost all d whole pictures as if its her wedding! Na wa o!
She is lucky the boil that did her on her eye some days ago left before d wedding, she won’t have seen the fine face she would have been using to shook in all d whole pictures.
A private jet was waiting for Zeal and I outside the reception area! I was thrilled, it was more than I hoped for! Zeal wanted us to go for our honey moon immediately after the wedding.
I accepted! But he kept the location and means of transportation a secret!
I don guess tire! Damn! It was worth the wait!
Private jet to Paris, the city of love! Oh Boy! Was really a dream come true! As I was about boarding the jet, I heard screaming! I was shocked! It sounded like my mums voice! I ignored it and tried boarding the jet again. Before I knew what was happening, I felt a sharp slap on my bombom and I woke up with a start!
“Isi ukwu (meaning big head in igbo), why were you trying to climb my head!!”, She scolded.
Then I realised I must have been climbing my mums body thinking I was climbing the jet!
“Oricha akpu, Ona rahu ka ezi! (meaning, after eating fufu, she would start sleeping like a pig)” my mum kept scolding me. “Oya go and sleep in your room before you kill me before my time” she kept on yelling.
With shame I hurriedly left the room and went to the room I share with my younger ones.
“Wait a minute,” I said to myself, “so all this have been a dream, my Zeal, my jet, my dream wedding! All gone!!! I don die”, I lamented.
It was so painful! See what that yeye fufu has caused…
Anyways, I know my dream guy would come some day and I’ll experience my dream wedding, this time for real! But for now, no more FUFU!!!
The End!
