“Get up young man!”
“Stop crying like a girl!”
“Be tough like a man!”
Most men grew up on these words. Most men are taught to suppress their emotions and quell their feelings because “men aren’t supposed to be emotional”. But men—married or not—have real and present fears.
In this article, I’ll be focusing on certain fears that married men have.
Let me quickly share a few with you.
Men Are Afraid of Disappointing Their Wives
One fear that men really find hard to manage, overcome, or defeat is the fear of being a disappointment. After spending so much on the wedding ceremony (no thanks to the lavish mentality and the rising expectations in this part of the world) and the honeymoon, the man is almost immediately thrust into another spending spree. He realizes that the wedding was just a preamble and that a lifetime of his wife’s needs and desires weren’t fulfilled at the altar. This awareness, this consciousness can easily tire a man out on a mental and financial level.
So unless he has the kind of wife who knows how to appreciate him and who constantly show him the spirit of love and understanding, he might equate her
unhappiness with being a disappointment. No marriage needs a husband who is caught in an unbreakable loop of frustration and self-pity.
Men Are Afraid of Being Inadequate
Nature inclines men to take the lead role in every marriage. The community expects this also. When men succeed at this role, they feel an overall sense of pride, accomplishment, and wellbeing. When they fail—for any reason whatsoever—they feel inadequate. In these moments, a man needs a wife who will still appreciate him and make him feel loved; a wife who will lend a helping hand, who will be a calm voice in the storm, and generally make him feel confident and proud.
Men Are Afraid of Being Controlled
Most men have big, oversized egos. They want to feel like the hero, like superman. Consequently, they are afraid of anything that bruises or threatens to bruise that ego. So when a woman bosses his husband around; or when she acts, sounds, and treats him like his mother, the man slowly loses the incentive to live up to his potential. He might feel like his wife has robbed him of his God-given responsibilities, and he might just relinquish control. Everyone will suffer when this happens.
Men Are Afraid of Being Relegated to the Background
When children come into marriage, they become the point of attention—they cry in the middle of the night, disrupt romantic moments in the morning, and
generally reduce sex time. Men are afraid of becoming ‘second-class citizens’ in their own homes, yet this is what happens when those cute, creepy, little things come into the equation and steal all the attention. So a good wife should learn to balance things up. The husband must not suffer because of the children, and vice-versa.
So, naturally, we try to hide our fears. When women understand this, it becomes easier for them to deal with us when these fears manifest.
Ademola Adeyanju
